I am standing on the edge of a cliff looking over the side at the swirling black mass beneath. The wind rips my hair around my face and the air starts to scream.
Fat drops of rain stab at the top of my head. My hair is plastered to my face and stray pieces whip at my raw face.
Adrenaline surges through me like morphine and I can feel it coursing through my body. Electrifying every move I make.
Making me feel alive.
The black water licks the sharp rocks that litter the bottom of the cliff edge. It looks like a portal to another world - I can’t help but wonder how cold it is.
Whether if… Whether when - I jump it will pierce my lily white skin, taint my being with the dark blackness that exists everywhere else inside me.
I turn and look at safety behind me, the wind bends the trees almost in half, they beckon me to step away from the edge but I’m not tempted. I close my eyes and look at the different colours in the grainy fuzziness behind my eyes. I see a rainbow for every emotion that I feel, red for anger, blue for sadness, green for envy, purple for contempt and… The scarcest colour of all.
Yellow.
Yellow for the happiness I never seem to feel anymore.
I open my eyes, look down again at the black, black for betrayal. Betrayal in the form of lost things.
I close my eyes again but the time, there are no colours.
But I breathe in.
I breathe in the salt and I breathe in the rain. It cleanses me, it heals me.
I think of the knives that I will feel as the water makes contact with my skin, but I know the pain of those knives will not at all reach the level of pain caused by the ones sticking out of my back.
I look back one last time to the safety of the beckoning trees and once more at the blackness below me.
I don’t move.
I told myself to move, but I didn’t.
My brain knows it isn’t a smart idea.
Ignoring everything. The slowing of the wind. The last breath I take in.
I take a singular step
Towards the trees
The cliff cannot claim me
Nor anyone
It's perilous depths with not swallow me whole
I can only ask to grow
And
Fight the urge of the cliff
And it's infamous need to claim
And prey on sad victims
The cliff beckons
But safety
Protection
Beckons harder
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